Threats And Bribery
by The lunatic who cares
Summary: G1. Slash. Smut. A birthday one-shot. Wheeljack makes something go Ka-Boom, Ratchet makes some threats until Jack proves that bribery is a much better alternative.


**Title:** Threats And Bribery  
**Notes:** For Sergeant Duck. Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoy your smut :P and that it goes someway towards making you feel better, if at least for a little while.

-

"Jack if we get out of this alive, I swear I'm going to remove your hands permanently!" Ratchet hissed, glaring in the semi darkness at the other mech.

"I don't understand. It worked fine in the lab, even _you_ said it was the 'most slagging sensible' thing I'd ever built," the Lancia poked at the rubble tentatively, wincing as it gave a little rumble.

"And it still went and blew up in our fragging faces," the medic gestured around the ruined cave and then he put his hands on his hips as Wheeljack continued to play with the mound of rocks blocking their exit. "Leave it alone, you know we can't get out and the Cons won't be looking for us when we can't go anywhere."

The inventor started climbing up the pile of rocks, ignoring the way it shifted under his pedes and ignoring the irate medic behind him.

"Wheeljack…" Ratchet warned.

"You know it won't be as deep at the top, so maybe we can dig out there," Wheeljack replied.

"Our scans already showed that won't work, the whole thing isn't stable enough," the white medic scowled, folding his arms over his chest. "I'm not digging you out when it collapses on your aft."

"Yes you will," the pair of headfins flashed and Ratchet knew his friend was grinning like a lunatic up there.

"No, I'm just going to save myself the trouble," the ambulance snatched a small rock off the floor and hurled it with his usual good aim. It smacked straight into the back of Wheeljack's helm and knocked him off balance, forcing him to take a quick step backwards. The rock he trod on shifted and Ratchet had an amusing moment watching the Lancia's arms windmill before he came crashing back down the slope. A few rocks bounced down with him and they all came to rest at Ratchet's pedes. Wheeljack peered up at his friend,

"Ow."

"I'll give you 'ow', slagger," the medic crouched down to wave his finger in Wheeljack's face. "Now you're going to promise me you won't try that again or I'm going to promise you, you'll regret it."

"You know you could try bribery over threats," the prone mech suggested.

"Why? Threats work so well," Ratchet snorted, standing back up and walking away to the nearest wall where he slid down it until he was sitting. "I can't imagine bribery lasting too long with the Twins."

Wheeljack rolled over onto his front so that the medic was the right way up,

"I didn't mean with everyone."

"You, you mean."

"Well you know threats don't work," the inventor smiled, Ratchet could see it in the way the corner of his optics tilted slightly.

"Don't I slagging ever?" Ratchet thumped his head back against the wall, shuttering his optics.

"C'mon, in all these years, you've never worked out what would bribe me into being good?" Wheeljack asked. "This is golden information I'm giving away here."

"I don't do bribes."

"Yes you do," the Lancia chuckled. "I was there when you bribed Jazz into staying in med bay with concert tickets."

"That wasn't bribery," the medic huffed. "That a threat."

"Uh huh."

"I threatened to tear the tickets up if he didn't stay still."

"And you just happened to have tickets to one of Jazz's favourite earth bands because…?"

"Maybe I wanted to go." There was a pause and then Wheeljack exploded into hysterical laughter which lasted even past Ratchet admitting, "Alright, that was a bad excuse."

"Oh Primus, I'd paid to see you at a human concert!" Wheeljack chortled, trying to keep his mirth under wraps.

"Ah shut up you," Ratchet muttered. He could hear Wheeljack shifting around but he didn't open his optics, assuming that the mech was just getting up.

"Seriously though, you've never given it any thought?" the other mech's voice was plainly curious.

"Jack," Ratchet sighed. "How many times, I don't do bribery."

"Maybe you should," Wheeljack's voice was closer now. "You never know, you might enjoy it."

"More than throwing wrenches?" the medic smirked.

"Ratch'." Despite the fact that it was said very, very softly Ratchet could tell Wheeljack was really close now, near enough that he onlined his optics. The Lancia's faceplates were inches from him own, mask retracted back to reveal his striking features. Well to Ratchet they were striking, but perhaps that's because he didn't get too see them as much as he would like, but that was his own slagging fault. Partly because he'd made Jack's mask to protect his face against all the explosions he created but mostly because he'd never admitted to how he felt for the inventor.

Wheeljack smiled softly as Ratchet just stared at him. There was no blustering, no swearing and no hitting so the Lancia took that as a sign to try the next step forward. He closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Ratchet's in a chaste and all too brief kiss. Wheeljack made himself pull away despite wanting to stay touching those deceptively soft white lips. Ratchet made an odd sound,

"What was that for?"

"I was just explaining the best way to bribe me into being good," Wheeljack grinned.

Ratchet's optics narrowed slightly,

"Or I could just threaten to withhold them."

"Ah well since you've never kissed me before, then I don't think that would work all that well," the inventor's ear fins flashed brightly.

"But didn't I just imply I would be kissing you more in the future?" the CMO poked the red, white and green chest before him.

"I'm a scientist. I like proof; nice, solid, tangible proof, you know the sort that…oof!"

Ratchet shut Wheeljack up by surging upwards to press his lips back to the grey ones of the other mech. He caught the Lancia with his mouth open and groaned as he thrust his glossa deep into Wheeljack's mouth, delighted when his partner's glossa tangled with his own. Grey hands grabbed the back of Ratchet's helm to hold him close and red ones reciprocated by wrapping around headfins that flashed erratically as Wheeljack made involuntary noises of pleasure. The inventor broke the kiss with a hiss when fingers dug into the seam on his back where his wing joined his body and arched into those probing digits.

"Always knew you'd react like that," Ratchet told him with satisfaction.

"Well you've put me back together enough times to know exactly where my sensor clusters are!" Wheeljack replied, trying to concentrate on the medic's face before him as those fingers continued to work their magic. He lowered his face down to Ratchet's, gently nibbling on the edge of the grey chevron, which drew a choked off moan from the medic beneath him.

"How long do you think," Wheeljack asked in between his kisses to any part of Ratchet's anatomy he could reach. "It'll take them to dig us out?"

"Oh cycles," Ratchet said over the sound of his intakes kicking in. "Maybe even a mega-cycle."

"I like the sound of that."

"I take it back," the medic dragged Wheeljack's face back up to his. "That was the most slagging sensible thing you've ever built."

The Lancia chuckled,

"So I get to keep my hands?"

Ratchet twitched when said hands stroked over his windshield and into transformation seams,

"Slagging pit Jack, what do you think?"

"I think you need a CPU blowing interface."

"No fragging complaints here," Ratchet agreed before placing both hands on the inventor's chest plate and pushing. Wheeljack fell backwards with a grunt, landing on his elbows but the medic was over him and pressing him down to the floor before he could complain. The Lancia decided that Ratchet could kiss better than anyone else and he'd do whatever the white mech wanted if it meant him getting more of these. He also knew that because Ratchet had put him back together so often that he'd know exactly where to touch him, but Wheeljack discovered knowing and feeling were two entirely different things.

"Primus!"

Ratchet grinned as the other mech arched sharply up into the hand teasing the join between hip and side plate but the grin soon disappeared as the inventor's own hands weren't still. The CMO moaned wantonly and jerked back into the hand on his aft. Wheeljack pressed him back down into the cradle of his thighs so their crotch plates exchanged paint and Ratchet hissed, knowing it would be obvious to anyone that saw them after this exactly what they'd been doing. The Lancia caught the back of the white helm up in one hand so he could pull that grey chevron back into reach. One point disappeared into his mouth and he sucked on it, drawing another moan from the other mech.

"Why… in Primus' name…" Ratchet gasped. "Does that feel…. so _good_!" Wheeljack didn't answer except to hum around the metal in his mouth. "Gaaahhh Jack!"

"You don't know how long I've bee waiting to hear you say my name like that," the Lancia murmured in his audio.

The white and red mech growled, launching an attack at the inventor. His fingers stroked and pinched at cables and wires whilst his glossa left hot, wet stripes over the metal of Wheeljack's chassis. Ratchet paid special attention to his earfins and what he could reach of his stubby wings, until Wheeljack was clinging to him. His fans were whirling at top speed in an effort to cool his rapidly overheating body and Wheeljack moaned Ratchet's name wantonly, begging him for more. The medic was so turned on by the sight and sound of the other mech he was having trouble focusing on what he was doing.

"Want to see you go," Ratchet panted, fighting his own overload.

"Not without you," Wheeljack dragged him back down for a kiss and that proved their undoing. Wheeljack cried out abruptly, body jerking as his overload shot through him and the flare of heat and energy blasted out over Ratchet. The CMO groaned deeply, pressing every inch of his chassis into Wheeljack's as his world went white in pleasure for a nano-klik.

"Best idea _ever_," Wheeljack murmured into the red-crossed shoulder and Ratchet laughed softly, drawing his head back to look at the mech beneath him.

"Not going to argue with that."

Suddenly there was a rumble of shifting rocks and Ratchet was on his pedes in an instant as the mass blocking their exit shifted. He hauled Wheeljack up, noting the blast mask was back in place and they tensed, wondering who was on the other side, but that was soon answered as a grime streaked pile driver punched through at the top of the pile. The grinning face of Sideswipe appeared and he spotted the trapped mechs instantly.

"You guys finished screaming each other's names or shall I go away again?"

"Why you little slagging…!" Ratchet growled, hands curling into fists, but a grey hand landed on his arm.

"Ratch'," Wheeljack's voice was calm but cheerful. "Just think. Sideswipe thinks _that_ was bad."

The medic stilled, anger dropping away as he glanced at his partner and a smirk curved his lip components upwards. Sideswipe swore from the top of the pile and started backing out of the cave,

"Frag, no."

"Aww c'mon Sideswipe," the medic followed the red twin up the pile, still grinning. "I haven't made it a threat yet."

"By the way," Wheeljack remarked from behind him. "You're not bribing anyone else now."

"I'm only ever going to bribe you. It gets the best results," Ratchet shot a predatory smile down at the Lancia and Wheeljack's ear fins flashed as he chuckled.

"I said you'd like it better than threats."


End file.
